Bible Stories: If I Were There (GEN 19)

God said unto Reverend Stu "Get your people out of Glendale and make sure to pass through Sodom and do the same. I am right sore about these people and I--who am--The Great Decider, Adonai, Elohim--am about to wipe the world clear of them--there will be no seeds to scatter this time!"

Stu was no fool and replied, "Okay." He spoke to the brethren and they busted a move.

Now Stu, always more clever than wise, was not simply more tolerant of human behaviors than God but took part and often enjoyed himself in the company of godless people. He composed a prayer. When the Godites were gathered in Sodom, the Reverend vocalized his prayer using his outdoor voice. "Hey Yod Hey! some of these people have been generous, some have shown us kindness. Sure most of them are self-serving, violent, fiercely ignorant and a waste the good air you provide us by their breathing, However, You have given all humankind your likeness--these are people and they must have qualities--verily the materials from which beauty is made! You have given me the tools to help them find their way. Must they all die, is there no hope?"

God did not respond right away (go figure), and Stu went forth to all corners of the town and beseeched the Lord. The message was both loud and clear. The brethren were getting ready to leave; they likely would have been doing so even if the Lord had not suggested it as the Reverend was increasingly unpopular among their neighbors. Just after a particularly stressful episode the Lord spoke to Stu, saying, "You are noisy and not particularly beloved, and, as you are well aware , that is not a healthy situation in My presence. And--NO! no hope, no future for them--the people here are a waste of creation."

The Reverend was prepared for this--he was after all a priest--so he replied, "Well what is the fault with this child ?" The Reverend pointed to a small child in the crowd. Stu went in among the assembled people and held up an infant, saying "Is she not beautiful, is this not a miracle, is there not potential here?!" The infant squalled and Stu returned her to her mother. God remained quiet but oppressively present.

The brethren were gathered at this time at the edge of town, just outside of town actually, when the Lord spoke, "Stu--Walk toward the setting sun and ascend the hill that will lie in your way, I have something to show you." Stu did as he was told as the brethren made their way to the East.

Stu did not stop until he had ascended the hill. There he waited quietly; he remained standing well into the night. Suddenly the sky was ablaze and fiery balls with tails of bright flames tore through the sky illuminating the land as if it were day. Stu did not laugh or play a fiddle. He did not pray for the return of darkness though he would have preferred endless night to what was illuminated and exposed. Stu did not pray that the light would be blinding, he had been warned that God wanted to show him something.

The light from the sky ended as abruptly as it had begun and was replaced by an odd glow seeming to come from the air about him, the ruddy reflection of countless small fires reflecting off the smoke and dust that chocked the valley where Glendale and Sodom had been. The dawn’s early light did not penetrate the gloom as the Reverend made his way through the scorched and pitted valley. God spoke to Stu unbidden, "People are noisy their sins are grievous ! I don't really like them. That infant was a prime example, her cry was great, you Stu-pid, besides, that baby was overdue for a change anyway, HA HA HA! Oh boy, I have over a million of them!"

Reverend Stu placed one foot after the other. He was neither impressed nor amused.

Reverend Stu,
Founders’ Day Parable 2014

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